Things That Suck More Than Food Poisoning

Walking home from watching the football games Sunday night, I popped into Whole Foods for a late night snack. They were just about to close, so I quickly grabbed a container of sushi–normally a safe choice at WF.

Not so much.

Since about midnight Sunday night I’ve been suffering from a pretty spectacular case of food poisoning. I’ll spare you the details–suffice it to say I have rid my stomach of anything resembling a liquid or food–even most of the Gatorade I attempted to sip yesterday afternoon. My weakened state, limited brain capacity and bitterness over being sick has inspired this little gem of a post: Things That Suck More Than Food Poisoning.

Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.

The Most Depressing Upset Win Of All Time

Watching the Bears beat Minnesota in overtime Monday night should have felt great.

The division rival Vikings were playing for a chance at the top seed in the NFC, while Chicago had nothing to play for. Led by longtime rival Brett Favre, the Vikings were supposed to roll right through the hapless Bears en route to a first-round bye. They didn’t.

Jay Cutler looked like the QB the Bears traded for and the Bears’ defense finally looked like a cohesive unit. Devin Aromashodu had the game of his life and made us all wonder why he wasn’t on the field all year. It wasn’t even Robbie Gould, the most consistent Bear week after week, who won the game for the Monsters of the Midway. No, after Gould missed a 45-yarder for the win, Hunter Hillenmeyer pulled a Peanut, punching out the football at the end of an Adrian Peterson run and Nick Roach dove on the loose ball to give Chicago a second chance. 

More unbelievable than a Robbie Gould miss was what came next. The Bears won on a big-balled play call by the usually ho-hum, uninspired Ron Turner. Cutler to Aromashodu for a 39-yard game-winning TD on the FIRST play of the Bears’ third overtime drive. Ballsy.

The win should have made me feel good. And I guess it did, for a moment. It was nice to see the team play with some pride. It felt good to see the Bears’ defense make big plays and it was sure comforting to know that “good” Cutler is still in there somewhere.  

But after the initial glow of the win wore off–just minutes after the final TD, in fact–the game became utterly and completely depressing.  Where have these Bears been all year? How good would that win have felt had the Bears been playing for something–anything?  

The win didn’t answer any questions for Bears fans, in fact it just brought up more of them.  
 

The First 14 Weeks Of The Season the NFL Gave To Me…

If you’ve been too busy tallying up Jay Cutler interceptions or placing bets on Lovie Smith’s future to keep an eye on the rest of the NFL, Fox Sports has packaged up the first 14 weeks of the season in this nifty little holiday song. Keep an eye out for Kyle Orton getting mauled, Favre being Favre and Cutler doing what he does best. 

Oh yeah, and if you really haven’t been watching anyone but the Bears, now might be the time to remedy that. Things are only gonna get worse for Chicago fans from here on out and I’d hate to see you forget what real football looks like.

[HT to NSNG reader and Denver Stiffs mastermind Andrew Fenstein]